Your name matters more than you think
When I was a teen working in retail, one of my favourite co-workers was a fabulous spicy woman named Marie. I thought of Marie as some aged oracle at the time. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure she was in her mid-forties…
One of the many life lessons Marie imparted to me was, “your name is the only thing they can never take away from you: it’s who you are, and it matters”. This was a bit like a 747 at the time: straight over my head.
I got my first inkling of what she meant when I married my first husband, and the issue of changing my name came up. I immediately knew that nobody was taking my surname away from me. Sam Gillies had worked bloody hard to get where she had gotten, and I liked her. Yet when I got married the second time, it felt perfectly right for me to expand my identity and join Team Micich.
Conversely, I recall chatting with one of my husband’s (many) cousins at a family wedding. I gave her my business card so she could email me something. She saw my married name and immediately burst into tears. Her marriage was ending, and she was weeping for the person she once was.
Names can also be weaponised.
Intentional over-use. Have you ever been in a meeting or sales scenario where someone gratuitously uses your name as a passive-aggressive attempt at dominance? Ick. Go away you weirdo.
Intentional mispronunciation. Let’s say (shock horror) you weren’t born here, and your name isn’t Susan or Peter. Don’t let the lazy or racist dog whistle affect you. Intentionally mispronounce their name right back at them with a smile and direct eye contact.If they pull you up, act surprised and say you thought it was a game to say everyone’s names incorrectly.
Bias, or worse, discrimination. It’s a sad truth in this country that in recruitment, if you have a foreign-sounding name, your application may not automatically make it to the top of the pile. You’d think AI would be helping to fix this, but it frequently compounds the bias of its user.It’s appalling that in this day and age, many job applicants with foreign names still feel they need to take on a “European” name to better their chances of being hired.Or in my case, I have to actively combat my cognitive bias against people whose name is a Tragedeigh. Repeat after me: it’s not their fault, it’s their parents who chose that name.
How to own your name like a pro
The most important thing is to make peace if you need to, and love your name. It’s YOU we’re talking about, after all. My mother hated her first name (or rather the person she was named after). In her forties she finally changed it by deed poll, and it improved her overall happiness by eleventy billion percent. So if it’s truly a problem, do something about it.
Secondly, let’s go back to basic etiquette. Whenever you meet someone new (either in person or on-screen), face them directly, look them in the eye, smile, maybe shake hands if that’s your vibe, and say, “I’m Sam, nice to meet you”. In return, they should say something like, “Hi Sam, I’m Ethan”. This next bit matters: ALWAYS say their name back to them to ensure you’ve heard correctly. “Ethan? Hi.” By saying the name out loud, it also gives you a better chance of remembering it next time you meet them. But importantly, it gives them the chance to correct you: “It’s actually Nathan…”There is nothing worse than continuously calling someone by a wrong name. The longer it goes on, the weirder it becomes for Nathan-Ethan to correct you. So if you’ve got a Nathan-Ethan name, don’t be shy: correct early and confidently, and always with a smile.
Have fun with it. Since joining the ranks of team Micich, I now spell my name before giving it to the medical receptionist or call centre agent. Because when you say Sam Micich really fast, it sounds a lot like you’re asking for a ham and cheese sammich-ich. And that’s okay. Diversity is what makes our world a little bit more wonderful every day. So lean into the fact that you’re going to be spelling your name every time. This is your new normal. Why not share a little origin story to add some light and colour to the experience? Tell them about other famous Nathan-Ethans in history. And I didn’t tell you this, but who said the story has to be true? Let your imagination run wild…Nathan-Ethan, named after the tallest man in Northern Ireland, who, in 1477, leapt a three-metre castle wall in a single bound during a fierce battle.
Shakespeare’s Juliet nailed it when she asked “What’s in a name?”
“…that which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet”. You're still you, regardless of what you're called. It’s who you are, what you do, and how you treat others that matters. But also...don’t let others use your name in any way other than with the respect and recognition that you deserve. Go get ‘em, Nathan-Ethan!
